


What You Find Along the Way

by AutumnPen



Series: The Little Detours [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, F/F, Family Feels, Gen, Genderbending, Genderfluid Character, Growing Up, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-05-22 11:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6078144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnPen/pseuds/AutumnPen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wants More. She does not know how to ask for it. She is not sure she deserves it.</p><p>A rewrite of the Hunter x Hunter series starring Trans Girl Gon and AFAB Killua (who later identifies as gender fluid).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. x The Prologue x

**Author's Note:**

> Following the prologue, this fic will (mostly) consist of select canonical scenes/pieces rewritten to fit around Gon as a trans girl and, eventually, Killua as gender fluid, following the events of Hunter x Hunter through to after the Election Arc. More or less a prequel to (un)Quiet. 
> 
> Tagged Killua and some things about Killua even though she doesn't enter until about the third chapter - but Killua and her relationship with Gon will definitely be a big part of this work/series. The Killugon will only get stronger the further in this fic and the subsequent fics to follow. Tags will probably be adjusted as I write more. More notes at the end!

There is a girl - brown and freckled - who runs through the wilds of Whale Island in her barefeet and a sundress, and pretends that her running feet can go fast enough to carry her up and away, above the spray of the ocean and out into the endless blue.

_Away from here_ , she thinks, and does not think where that place may be. Just: _Away from here_.

This is a secret she cannot share. It’s a private wish. She keeps it under her tongue.

She thinks they know, anyway.

The name of her father is spoken above her head for years before she hears it from the mouth of a stranger who calls himself Kite. Not just by her family, but by the larger (but still small) community that makes up their little island. People who have the unfair advantage of having met Ging and known him, even if only while he lived there.

_Your father, Ging_ , they say, and then always go on to say how much Gon ( _little Gon_ ) is - or isn’t - like him. Some of them smile and sound nostalgic. Some of them say _‘like your father_ ’ in a way that makes it sound like something to be worried about. Still some others content themselves with silence, but their eyes are observant and Gon thinks she sees judgement behind them.

All of this makes the girl uncomfortable. She cannot articulate, even to herself, why.

It may have something to do with feeling unseen. She doubts sometimes that people see her - Gon, just her. They look at her, but they are seeing someone else, or the lack of someone else. Not her - whoever she is.

There is a lie. It is of her aunt’s making. This lie is this: her father is dead. This untruth lies unacknowledged between the girl and her aunt long after Kite (no longer a stranger) corrects it. There is a span of time - years - in which Gon is content to simply let her aunt think that she still believes the lie - which is something of a lie of her own.

It’s not that Gon wants to lie to Mito. She doesn’t think that’s right - trading lie for lie. The thing that keeps her from speaking up is this: a fear of confrontation, a fear of the answers Mito may or may not have if Gon starts demanding them.

And also: The feeling that it isn’t her place, her right, to demand answers - to take up more space than she already does - to draw attention to all the space she fills that she maybe, sometimes, isn’t deserving of.

She doesn’t know why Mito lied to her. She isn’t sure she wants to know.

(She is too young to know that sometimes we say and do things that hurt the people we love because we think it will protect them.)

She doesn’t know why her father left her - why he didn’t want her. She isn’t sure she wants to know.

(Too young to know that sometimes even adults sometimes get in over their heads, and don’t always know what they’re doing, and just muddle along the best they can - making the decisions they can only hope are for the best).

What she does know is: She is hungry. She is… confined.

There is a space inside her that should be full and isn’t. There is a space inside her that spiders out and threatens to make everything else just as empty. There is no where to reach, to grab, to take things, to fill that space. She is hungry and grasping at air. There is nothing to eat - or if there is, she doesn’t take it because she will not take what she’s not earned.

Whale Island is the only home she’s ever known, and she loves it - she does. She loves the forest and the ocean, she loves Kon and all the wildlife, she loves the people, loves Mito, loves Abe.

But there isn’t enough space here. She takes up too much room and she doesn’t know how to make it feel right. Like that’s okay. Sometimes she wishes that empty space was all there was to her. Less to feel, that way. Less to justify.

(Too young to know a girl as young as her should never have to feel this way.)

_Maybe_ , she thinks, _maybe somewhere else it won’t feel this way._ The world is a big place, after all. There has to be more out there to fill the hole inside her. There has to be somewhere with enough room to spare - something left over she can claim as her own.

And maybe, maybe when she’s out there - where there’s enough room to breathe, to move - she’ll be able to do something. Really do _something_. Prove herself. Be worth the space she claims as her own.

_“Your father caught the Lord of the Lake by the time he was twelve - not much older than you are now!”_

Mito looks at her like she knows her secret. It’s a sad look, or it’s a look that says _“You can’t, Gon, you just can’t.”_ She doesn’t like that look.

The other people on the island look at her like they know, too. _Just like your father_ , their eyes say, and Gon feels the weight of expectation across her shoulders. There is an anticipation - not totally her own - and it binds her.

Mito’s eyes are sad and far away whenever someone compares Gon and her father within her hearing. Her eyes look through Gon, sometimes. Like she’s not even there.

“Maybe she’ll take more after you,” Gon overheard a middle-aged woman tell Mito once. More sad looks, a hand touching a hand in comfort. Gon pretending to be engrossed with drawing pictures in the dirt with a stick.

“Little girls need to stay at home.” An old fisherman once told her with a disarming smile when she expressed interest in the long trips he took out to sea. He’d ruffled her hair then asked her if she didn’t want to be more like her aunt and grandmother when she grew up.

She didn’t ask him about his voyages anymore after that.

“Toby said he saw the Lord of the Lake yesterday,” Gon tells Mito as they go about their chores in the kitchen - Gon folding freshly dried linen at the table and Mito at the sink up to her elbows in suds.

“Oh?” She responds without looking over her shoulder. “He told you that, did he?”

“Well - not me, no. I overheard him telling some of the other fishermen…”

“Ahhh.” Mito’s tone is doubting.

“Yeah,” Gon continues, pretending this doesn’t perturb her. “He said he was out on the lake with his cousin and - _whoosh!_ ” She delays her task of folding the sheet in her hands, using it instead as part of her demonstration of just how a _whoosh_ produced by the Lord of the Lake might have looked or sounded - one hand whipping out, the half-folded sheet moving after and making a satisfying snapping noise as it follows the motion. “ _Right_ by their boat, he said! Said it was _huge_! And they only saw the _fin!_ ”

Mito laughs a little at her enthusiasm, but her tone still betrays cynicism when she speaks. “Toby says a lot of things, dear. He may have just been telling a tall tale to impress his friends.”

Gon frowns, but Mito doesn’t see it. She drops the dramatic pose her demonstration left her in - arm stretched out before her, one leg lunged out in front of the other, knee bent with her body leaning forward (Mito hadn’t even _looked_ to _see_ ) - and resumes folding. “...He was saying how he might trying catching the Lord.”

Mito lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. “No one’s done that in _years_.” She lifts her arms out of the dirty water and shakes them into the sink. She’s brought the plug up with her, and Gon hears the sound of water start to drain. “Silly man,” she says, and reaches for a towel to dry her arms with.

Gon would much rather fold clothes than do the dishes. It smells better, for one thing. The sheet in her hands is smooth and soft and lets off the scent of detergent and grass and sunlight. Dishwater only smelled like wet food. It turned her stomach, sometimes. There was also something satisfying, in it’s own mundane way, about making edge meet edge neatly while she folded. Doing dishes left her with pruned fingertips, made her hands feel gross and dirty in a way that playing outside never did. She lays the sheet down on the the piled of already-folded laundry. She picks up the next item. Mito has moved on to using the towel to dry the dishes now, preferring to get them put away sooner rather than letting them air-dry. Gon does not look up as she says, “My dad did it.”

The towel makes a wet, dissonant against the plate Mito holds as her hand slips. She is quiet for a long moment. Too long. It takes too long for her to say, quietly, “Yes, he did.”

Gon doesn’t know where the bravery in her to press on comes from, but she does. “...I could, too.”

She holds her breath.

Mito looks up at her - she looks guarded. Unsure.

Doubtful.

Gon’s chest hurts.

She wants Mito to say she thinks she can, too. She wants to hear that Mito believes she can do this, even if it’s only coming from the place where a parent believes their child can do anything simply because it is _their child_.

“That sounds dangerous, Gon,” Mito finally settles on, after what seems like ages of waiting for her to pick out her words. It’s not what Gon wants to hear, and part of her wants to deflate in response, but -

Gon is ready for this. Mito doesn’t know how ready - doesn’t know how many times she’s had this conversation in her head. “Dad did it. He was my age.”

Mito sighs, “Well, you’re not quite-”

“But I almost am! I could do it. I’m good at fishing - you _know_ I’m good at fishing.” She makes a decisive fold in the new sheet. “Loads better than the likes of Toby,” she adds, a little quieter and almost to herself. She’d found herself a little miffed at the man’s off-handed brag and (probably empty) plans to catch The Lord of the Lake. She didn’t want him to try - to even talk about it. If anyone was going to, _she_ wants to be the one-

“Yes, Gon, I know. You’re a very talented fisher. I’m not saying you aren’t-”

“But you don’t think I could catch The Lord of the Lake.” The words are clipped and defensive. Her heart begs for Mito to contradict her - beats this wish into Gon’s ribs, pushes it through her veins. _Please_ , she says with her eyes, bright and fierce and watching for her aunt’s response.

Mito’s mouth is hanging open, and it’s clear she warring with herself over her next words. She stares at Gon, silent, with slumped shoulders, then turns to set the dry dish aside and pick up a new one as she speaks, “It’s not an easy thing to do, Gon.” She turns to Gon again, glancing up at her, but seems suddenly unable to meet her gaze. She looks at the ceiling, the floor, the dish and towel in her hands, the sheet in Gon’s. Anywhere but directly at her. “No one’s even sure The Lord is still there - what Toby says aside, there haven’t been any reliable sightings since- since- Who knows how long that old fish has been in there? He _could have died_ for all we-”

“He’s not dead!” Gon’s shouting now, without meaning to. The realization that she’s done so hits her only after the fact, as does the sudden awareness of a stinging sensation behind her eyes. No. _No_. She will not cry here - it will not help her.

Mito is taken aback. She speaks quieter in response to Gon’s raised voice, trying to calm things down again. “Gon, where is all this coming from?”

_I want you to believe in me_. The words won’t leave her mouth. They stick in the back of her throat and she feels like she could choke on them. She feels flushed and frustrated. _I want to show you what I can do_.

“I want to leave,” Gon says. And, oh, that isn’t right. She didn’t mean to say that here, not now. This isn’t how she wanted this conversation to go. She was supposed to explain it better - to show Mito she could-

“Leave?” Mito’s not trying to speak softly anymore. There’s the start of a good panic behind her voice - it isn’t hard to hear. “Gon, what are you talking about? You’re only- You’re too- Leave and go where?”

Gon swallows, levels her aunt with an even look, even if her eyes are just a little watery. “I want to take the exam to be a Hunter. Like my dad. Like Ging did.”

Gon watches as all the color drains from Mito’s face. It doesn’t make her feel good. It feels like a pit opens up in her stomach. “Who-,” Mito starts, but has to begin again. “How did you?”

Gon can’t answer, though - words gumming up her throat again. She doesn’t know how to tell Mito about Kite - about that day in the forest, and Kon, and the license that is Ging’s that she has tucked away somewhere hidden. She just clutches the sheet tightly in her hands, tries not to think about how she’ll probably wrinkle it.

It gives Mito enough time to gather herself - to rein in her panic. She sets her jaw, her brow knitting. She levels Gon with a firm look. “Absolutely not. You’re not going anywhere - you’re staying right where you are, young lady.”

Gon wants to scream, to cry, to kick and stamp her feet. The combination of the words _‘staying’_ and _‘lady’_ strung together like they are are irritating in a way Gon can’t even think clearly about. Of course Mito doesn’t understand - _of course_ she doesn’t. “I could do it, though! Ging did - so could I!” She doesn’t know what she’s talking about anymore - catching the Lord, or taking the Exam, or just leaving. She isn’t sure it matters.

Mito loses her temper, then - raises her voice into a yell. “No, Gon, you can’t! You just can’t! Now finish folding the laundry - you have other chores to do.”

Gon lets her shoulders slump, throws herself moodily into a nearby chair, sheet still clutched in her hand. Mito’s intent on ending the conversation and Gon feels powerless to keep it going, all mixed up with words as she is. She turns her head away and scrubs at her eyes with one hand, and pretends Mito isn’t watching.

A sigh from across the room, then footsteps coming closer. Mito lowers her hand atop Gon’s clenched ones. It takes all she has in her not to yank pointedly away. “Gon, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, and I-” Another sigh, and a long silence occasionally punctuated by soft sniffs Gon is trying her best to suppress. Before she knows it, the sheet is leaving her hands. “I’ll… I’ll finish up here, okay? You’ve been inside all day - go out while there’s still light, darling. I think… I think we both need to clear our heads. We can talk more later, yeah?”

Gon clenches her jaw tight because she doesn’t trust her voice. Still, she nods, and stands. There is an awkward moment where the two of them stand near each other - Mito clutching the sheet close to her chest and Gon looking at the floor, unable to lift her gaze while curling and uncurling her fingers at her sides. Then she moves away.

Only, she stops at the door when her name is called, looks over her shoulder at last at Mito.

The woman’s brow is crumpled. She looks tired, and worried. “I… I love you,” she offers.

“Me too,” Gon manages, because she does. She is so _angry_. She is angry at Mito for denying her and for not believing in her and for _lying_ to her. It hurts - it hurts _so badly_. But she loves her. “I love you too.” She runs out of the room, stopping only to grab boots and her fishing pole before she is gone from the house.

It is evening before she returns. The sky is warm with colors from the setting sun, some of the lower parts of the island already cast in deep shadow. She finds Mito in the kitchen - Abe there with her now - and she wonders for a moment if Mito ever left the room once after she’d told her to go. There’s no more laundry on the table, so Gon guesses that she probably did at some point. This is good, that the table is free. She needs it.

Mito and Abe are seated there, and look up at the same time when she enters. Gon feels a heaviness in the air. They must have been talking about her. About how she knew - about Ging. She can imagine the conversation - imagine them asking each other how she learned and how much she really knew. Does she know he’s not dead? - they probably asked each other.

“Gon, sweetie, you’re back,” Abe greets with a smile. “Come, sit with us. We want to talk to you about some things.”

Good. Talking is fine. Gon wants to talk, too. She feels - maybe not better than she did earlier. But more determined. Resolute. Mito had been right - taking the time to clear her head had helped.

“Okay,” she says. To start with, though, she goes to the table and lays down the three large fish she’d carried all the way home - bigger than some of the local fisherman can boast about having caught. More than enough for them, but just enough, Gon feels, to prove her point.

She looks at the fish once they’re laid out, feels something akin to satisfaction with herself and nods, before turning to look Mito in the eye. “I want to make a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand cue Gon's proposal that if she catches the Lord of the Lake that Mito let her take the exam. I don't picture that particular day ending with Mito agreeing to said proposal, but here's where it starts, followed probably by days and days worth of pestering from Gon.
> 
> Something I want to make clear in light of how heavy this chapter is/how it portrays the Freecsses as a family: I really do believe they love each other, and that Gon has a lot of happy days in her childhood on Whale Island. That being said, things get lost in communication and sometimes family misunderstands each other and people wind up getting hurt because of that. Keep in mind: This chapter is told in Gon's POV, and her interpretation of other's feelings and beliefs are not always 100% correct. Also, Mito can't look at you when she's lying. She knows what Gon is capable of and it scares her.
> 
> This AU is important to me because, while I really love HxH a whole bunch, I get tired of cis males as the leads of... basically every kind of story ever while women, trans people, and other nonbinary people are pushed to the side. Also, HxH in particular, especially at the beginning of the manga, has this by-boys-for-boys feel to it that I don't care much for. All the talk of Gon being like Ging and the implication of the son being like the father ~because reasons~ and the men always leaving home bit really disengages me from the narrative. Something I want to do with this AU is explore how, with a female-identified Gon, certain parts of the narrative – like motivations and expectations – change. I hope that reads clearly.
> 
> Before I get more lecture-y with this I just want to put out a disclaimer that I am a cis woman. If at any point during the series any of my readers who are trans or nonbinary become uncomfortable with the language I use, I ask that you please let me know. I try to be really self aware about my language but I am also human and far too capable of making mistakes. I will do my best to heed any advice about this.
> 
> Other than that, thanks for taking the time to read my thing. <3


	2. Ch. 1 Departure x and x Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The old captain's thoughts as Gon boards his ship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's so short! There's a longer one coming next, I promise. For now, chapters are tentatively titled after the episode it's set in. That may change later if I start spanning multiple episodes per chapter.

He suspects, of course, from the moment she admits that she embarked at Whale Island. It is only confirmed when she tells him, eyes shining, that her dad is a Hunter, and apparently one of the best.

This is Ging's child. Only... not the same as the old captain had been led to believe by that selfsame wayward Hunter. But he's been around a few times, and seen a few things. He's half a mind to just out right ask her, then and there. When she goes on to tell him about the size of the oncoming storm and when it will arrive, however, he is equal parts amused and impressed and decides it can wait until later. He is hesitant to offend and extinguish that light in her. Besides, there is a storm to prepare for.

“C'mon, kid, I'll show you how to steer the ship.”

“Wow!”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

“My dad is a Hunter!” Gon tells him a second time, beaming. Where he can sense hesitation and defensiveness in the other two applicants, Gon is almost over eager to share. She goes on, words pouring out like she can barely contain them.“I left Whale Island because I want to know why my dad desired so much to be a Hunter!”

When she finishes, one fist is clenched in front of her. Excitement and anticipation rolls off of her in waves – but there is more than that, too. A determination sparks behind her eyes, the likes of which he hasn't seen since Ging himself.

She looks so much like him.

He feels himself smile, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkling. “S'at so, lad?”

It takes mere moments for Gon's expression to drop, her fist loosening. Her smile wavers, and she looks at him with something akin to surprise. She drops her eyes, and mumbles at the floor.

It may be mean of him, but he pretends not to hear. He wants her to speak up. Best she learn to now, before she gets any further from home. Besides, if she's really Ging's daughter – He knows she'll be up to the task.

“What was that? Couldn't hear ye over the wind and waves, child.”

A beat of silence, and her hands are hanging loosely at her side. He watches as she takes a huffing breath, sees it when her hands find the shape of fists once again. When she looks up again, the determination is still there, but she bears it differently. No more the loose grin, the warm openness befitting a child her age. Her mouth is set in a straight line, her shoulders square. She holds his gaze and corrects him, evenly. “Girl. I'm a girl.”

He smiles again, and understands. The other two applicants are looking at her, now, distracted from his earlier question. The little blonde has his brows furrowed slightly, and his eyes are calculating, but with a soft quality about them. The tall, spindly one has his mouth cocked at an odd angle as he thinks, but after a few minutes shakes his head to himself, as if telling himself it's none of his business. The captain feels badly for drawing attention to the kid in such a way, and decides to save her feelings (while simultaneously hiding his test) by shrugging it off as a slip-of-the-tongue.

Shifting his weight as he speaks, he lifts his bushy eyebrows high at her. “Did I say ot'erwise, lass? M' apologies. May 'ave 'ad a bit too much ale fer so early in our voyage.” He brings his hand before his face and makes a meaningful tipping gesture. “You'll have to forgive this ol' sea dog 'is vices, darlin',” he finishes with an disarming grin.

He can see the relief his words give the young girl. Her shoulders droop for the lack of the tension that has now bled away. Her fingers uncurl, flex, and, searching for a new purpose now that it is evident there would be no altercation, eventually find themselves hooked around the straps of her backpack.

It is then the tall one – Leorio, he'd called himself – interrupts. “Never mind all that!” He waves his hand dismissively. “Show some solidarity, kid! You didn't have to spill the beans like that!”

The captain corrects himself – the tall, _loud_ one.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

The laughter that rips from this chest is loud and genuine. Those three sprawled out on the deck of his ship (two of them scolding the youngest of their company for her recklessness) – it's folks like them that make his job worth while! Daft, the lot of them!

The old captain slaps his knee, and chokes out, “You lads're somthin' else!” He turns his gaze to Gon, specifically, and grins. “You too, lass.”

She blinks up at him, then smiles like the sun while the other two exchange sheepish looks.

“Tell ya what. Yer an arrogant, single minded sort,” he says, gesturing to the lot of them. “And mad as hatters, too! But I've taken a likin' to ya! And since I'm in such a good mood right now, I've decided to drop all three of you at the port nearest the exam hall!”

Gon tips her head at him in a confused fashion. “But what about your test?”

He turns, making his way back to the helm. “Too nice a day for tests,” he says. Then, louder, over his shoulder, “Come on. I'll show you more about steerin' this tub!”

Behind him, he hears a celebratory cry, clomping, eager steps following him, and laughter.

She could turn out to be a fine Hunter, that one. And ol' Ging, he thinks, is certainly in for a surprise. He only wishes he could be there to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it seems like I'm conflating scenes from the manga and the '11 anime, that's because I am. I'm going to pick and choose dialog and such as I feel best allows me to explore what I'm wanting to explore. Also I'll probably switch POV (like it was in Gon's in the prologue, but the captain's in this chapter) pretty often, just depending on what works best for me in any given part of the story.
> 
> Thanks or reading! Killua's in the next chapter!


	3. Ch. 2 Hope x and x Ambition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua and Gon finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Killua at long last!
> 
> for those who are wondering just how I'm visualizing the girls, you can see art I've done for them on my blog, under the tag "unquiet" (which may or may not soon be changed to "the little detours" since the series has a proper name finally and all). But here's the url!  
> http://unnoticed-and-necessary.tumblr.com/tagged/unquiet

Killua can't remember the last time she's felt so let down.

The Hunter Exam is hard, they said. The Hunter Exam is tough – tougher than you can imagine. The Hunter Exam is for the best of the best, the elite, the most hardcore and dedicated people of their respective fields. To pass it is to prove one is worthy, skilled, strong – _a Hunter_. The Hunter exam is -

...exceptionally boring, so far.

To be fair, it _is_ only the first phase. But looking around at the so-called “competition” Killua can't say she's impressed. Sure, there are a few in the crowd who are interesting - that she'll allow. Maybe even some who'd make it worth her while in a match. The vast majority of the lot, however, leave her with growing feelings of disdain and disinterest. Like that fat one who thought he could get the best of her by slipping something into her drink – _ha!_ Or worse, the grown men who sneered at her and called her a _'little girl' –_ who told her to _'run along home, kitten, this is no place for a little lady like yourself_ '.

_This kitten has claws_ , she'd thought while baring her teeth in a decidedly un-ladylike manner, all the while working to keep those claws sheathed. She could show them – it would be _so easy_ to show them just what this 'little girl' is capable of. Men like that remind her of Milluki – always bitching that she's the favored child, the one whom they call heir even though she's younger and _a girl_. They make her think of her mother and of Illumi, putting not-so-subtle pressure on her to do _better,_ and _faster_ – because if she's going to be the head of the family then she'll have to work extra hard to earn it. And she'd shown _them_ – shown the whole family that she could put her claws (or a handy pair of blades) to use of her own volition and that she didn't give a rat's ass about being their stupid heir either. She'd shown them and then she'd high-tailed it out of there.

She's glad to be gone. Really, she is. She just... She'd expected something different. Not more people thinking they can tell her what to do. Not grown adults she doesn't know and doesn't care to making passing comments on how ungirlish she is. Not the lack of anything that holds her interest for more than moments at a time. Pushing beyond the gates of her family's home after her dramatic exit, she'd felt like the world was just spread out before her, endless with possibilities – hers for the taking. There was so much to do and to see and people to meet and maybe... Nothing yet, however, has been quite as fulfilling as she had imagined. If the renowned Hunter Exam doesn't turn out to be all it's cracked up to be, then maybe the rest of the world will be just as dull and disappointing.

Sighing, she shifts her body, lowering a foot to the ground to push, propelling herself further along the dark tunnel. She contents herself, for the moment, with the ease and pleasure of gliding along on her board – the wind pulling itself through her hair and the rush of cool air occasionally sent up her loose shirt as it shifts about her. Maybe if she just stops thinking about how boring it is, it won't be so bad. The exam is bound to pick up sometime – she's just gotta plow through the easy beginner shit first.

She succeeds, for a few moments, at letting her mind go blank. The voice that interrupts her peaceful, thoughtless reverie is impossibly loud and annoying.

“A skateboard?! That's cheating!”

Killua turns her head towards to voice in question. Some old dude with glasses is pointing an accusatory finger at her. He's red in the face, and Killua wonders if he's exhausted himself already or if he's really just that pissy that she has a skateboard and he doesn't. Gliding ahead of him, no need to look where she's going – because _yes,_ she is _that good –_ she lifts an eyebrow in return. “How so?”

“How d'ya _think_?!” His voice cracks and goes all screech-y. Ugh. She really doesn't have the patience for this – to listen to this hot-headed nobody yell at her. “He told us it's an _endurance test_!”

Killua rolls her eyes, debating between telling the old guy off and just boarding far enough ahead that she can't hear his stupid voice anymore when another speaks up – smaller, younger.

“No, _you_ said that. _He_ only said to follow.”

Her gaze drops to find, to her surprise, another girl – young-looking, maybe close to her own age. She's got freckles and a ponytail and Killua doesn't think she's ever seen anyone wear so much _green_. The loud-mouth is screeching again, this time at the other girl, and a near-by blonde wearing a tabard speaks up in response. Jeeze – had they all come together? Killua didn't think this was the sort of thing friends would try together – what was the point when they only ended up being your competition? Not to mention they looked to be about the most unlikely group of friends Killua has ever seen.

...Not that she knows much about friendship.

_No need_ , a voice in her head whispers, faint enough that she can ignore it. Like an itch you've gotten used to.

She ignores the back-and-forth between Blondie and Loud Mouth and focuses instead on the girl. “Hey you,” she calls, watching as the girl looks up at her with dark, round eyes. The girl points at herself, as if unsure she's the one Killua is talking to. “How old are you?”

“Oh! I'm twelve!”

“Huh.” So they are the same age.

Killua kick-flips her board up into the air smoothly, lands running and catches the board with one hand. The gasp she hears from behind her tells her she's impressed the other girl, and she smirks to herself. “Think I'll run for a bit.”

“That was cool!” The girl gushes as she hurries to fall in step beside Killua. Killua glances over to find her smiling widely, brown eyes glowing with an admiration she doesn't even attempt to veil. Killua can't say why she's so pleased with the praise, but it makes her give over her name.

“I'm Killua.”

“I'm Gon!”

Killua smiles. Maybe this girl – Gon – will keep her entertained for a while. She thinks she'd like to see how far another kid her age can get. With her mischief on her mind, however, she turns back to look at the tallest of their company. He seems to type to be easily riled. “And who're you, pops?”

As predicted, her teasing comment hits home. The old guy lets out an indignant cry, then says, “I'm no 'pops'! I'm not even twenty yet!”

Killua blinks, stunned. _Really?_

Gon seems just as surprised, and cries out her disbelief. “No way!” She nearly stops running altogether, eyes going even rounder than their natural shape.

Pops takes offense to this, swinging his finger towards her this time. “Not you too! That's it! Our friendship's over!”

Killua blinks again, musing. Apparently they _are_ friends. Well, were friends – depending on how serious Long Legs Loudmouth is on his on revoking that friendship.

Gon lets out a disappointed noise, although Killua thinks she'd probably be better off without the likes of what's-his-face holding her back. He's annoying and loud and apparently having a hard time of it already, while Gon herself doesn't even seem to have broken a sweat. “Whaaat, no! Leorio, I didn't mean it that way! Please don't say that.”

“I will not sit by idly and be insulted!” The old man – Leorio – steams at Gon. Killua notes the blonde glancing back at the two of them, but with-holding any comment he might have. Might be smart, that one.

“I didn't mean to!” Killua watches as Gon presses her hands together apologetically, frowns in a way that makes her lower lip jut out just a little. “I'm sorry.”

It seems to have the effect Gon was hoping for, because Leorio stutters in the face of her pout. He huffs in a breath, then lets it out. “Well. As long as you're sorry. Then we're still friends, I guess.”

Gon beams at the tall boy in return, seems genuinely pleased with his words. Killua doesn't understand. But at least she had been right, so far. They were entertaining, to say the least.

After a while of running the lou- _Leorio_ stops his incessant talking. Can't spare the breath, probably. He's fallen behind Gon and herself, and they're pretty much rearing up the group, pacing themselves. The sound of his heavy breaths reaches her ears, and she glances for just a moment over her shoulder – notes his pace, the sweat drenching his face, the looseness of his limbs. _Won't last much longer_ , she thinks to herself, focusing on the path ahead. She doesn't even need to look back again to know when he's given up – can hear it in the way his sluggish steps slowly stop.

_Better luck next time, pops_ , she thinks. He probably shouldn't have even made the attempt this year. At least now he'll have time to train up for the next test, and at least he's made it out alive, which is more than could be said of some of their group soon, she's sur-

Gon isn't by her side anymore. She skids to a halt, looks around.

Gon's a few paces behind her, calling the name of the older boy. Leorio is bent double, hands on his knees, his shoulders heaving with every breath. Killua frowns. She's knows they're friends and all, but what's the point in Gon waiting? Leorio's given up – that's that. “He's failed, Gon,” she voices aloud. “That's how it goes, c'mon.”

She half-turns, expecting Gon to follow-

But she doesn't. She won't move – seems rooted to the spot, even. With the way her face is turned Killua can't see her expression – just the curve of her cheek, a hint of eyelashes. More directly in her line of vision is the hand that curls itself into a fist at Gon's side.

Killua smothers a sigh, looking where Gon's gaze is fixed – Leorio, still doubled but looking at the two of them, or at least in their direction. He doesn't seem able to move, would probably just fall over if a strong breeze rushed up the tunnel. He's done for – anyone looking could see that. Not that anyone else _was_ – they were all too busy looking after their damn selves and keeping up with the examiner. Like she should be doing. Like Gon should be doing.

“Gon,” she tries again, softer, but the girl doesn't so much as look her way – still staring down her friend. There's a beat of silence, then another, and Killua really isn't all that worried about catching up, because she knows _she can_ , but she still _really_ wants to get a move on – like, sometime _today_ , preferably.

She's resisting the urge to roll her eyes when Leorio says something to himself. She can hear it despite the distance, but between his lack of breath and his voice reverberating off the walls, bouncing along with the sound of running feet getting further ahead of them, the words themselves get lost.

He begins to pick himself up, straightening the length of his body. His voice finds a new, even louder, volume.

“I came here to become a hunter!” He cries at the top of his lungs, suddenly, and then he's tilting full speed at them. Within moments, he's rushing past the girls, all new adrenaline and wordless roaring.

Killua's hair picks up with the gust he produces as he plows past, into the crowd, far ahead. _Huh_ , she thinks to herself. Maybe there's a little more to him than she'd initially allowed for. She turns her gaze to Gon, finds the girl smiling a smile that is all selfless happiness and pride. She looks warm, fond, supportive.

Killua feels something ugly and mean in response that she doesn't want to name. There _has_ to be something more to Leorio – something that she doesn't see herself – for him to be deserving of such a look.

Momentarily, Gon turns her smile to Killua, looking entirely too satisfied, before turning her gaze back to the spot where Leorio had almost been left. With a fluidity and ease that clearly must have come with much practice, the girl reaches back for the pole strapped to the side of her bag – a fishing pole, Killua notes – and lifts it overhead to cast the lure into the dark.

She comes back with the briefcase her friend had dropped. On the first try. She catches it with her hand

Killua's never seen a trick like that before.

“Wow,” she says without thinking, feeling her mouth tug into a grin. “Cool!”

The smile Gon gives in response is all at once bashful and smug. She shrugs, situating her the briefcase to hang on the pole and putting her pole back on her bag before they resume running.

“You have to let me try that later,” Killua says as they fall in side-by-side again.

“Only if you let me try your skateboard,” Gon returns, smiling sideways at her.

“Deal,” Killua laughs, and means it. She finds herself looking forward to the opportunity to teach the other girl a trick or two.

Gon laughs herself, then lets out a pleased hum. The backs of their fellow examinees grow closer. Killua looks, and thinks she can see – no, she can definitely see Leorio ahead, in the crowd and struggling the rid himself of his suit jacket and dress shirt. She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth softly. He looks so foolish.

“Why'd you do that?” she asks Gon. Although she doesn't turn her gaze towards the girl, she can feel her looking.

“Huh? Oh, well, I'm sure Leorio would be upset when he realized he'd left his-”

“ _No_ ,” Killua interrupts. “Not that. Before that – what you did for him. Why'd you wait?”

She looks over, and for a moment they meet each other's gaze. Gon turns away first, looking ahead. “I knew Leorio wasn't ready to give up on himself. I couldn't leave him and let him think that he was.” She smiles to herself, looking fond and proud all over again. “I knew he could do it.”

Killua silently takes in Gon's answer. She's learned something about Gon, just now. The girl is loyal. She's loyal to her friends – believes in them when they might give up. Maybe that's... Maybe that's part of the whole friendship deal. Not that Killua would know, of course. She doesn't have any friends.

“Besides...” Killua's drawn from her thoughts by Gon speaking up again. A glance to her right shows the other girl looking at her out of the corner of her eye, still smiling. “Killua was there waiting with me, too. So I wasn't lonely, and I knew we could catch up together once Leorio caught his breath.”

Killua gives her a hard, disbelieving stare, but finds that she can't meet Gon's warm gaze for too long. She makes a dismissive noise. “Well, I knew _I_ could catch up. I don't know how fast you can run.” She doesn't leave Gon the time to be offended before her next words, flashing her a competitive grin. “Let's race to see who finishes first.”

Gon's eyes blink once before they brighten with determination. “Okay! Loser buys dinner!”

“You're on!”

They break into a faster run at the same time, side-by-side, matching each other step-for-step. In their own private thoughts, each girl thinks, _This is fun_.


	4. Ch. 3 Last Test x of x Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifty hours in Trick Tower!  
> Kurapika teaches Gon about colloquialisms and gives her access to gender identity language she didn't have before.

“The trick,” Killua explains, perched on her board with her knees bent, ready to kick off, “is to not hesitate on the first step.” She finishes her demonstration with flair – a tip back, a kick forward, and the board flips into the air behind her. She lands nimbly, catching the board one-handed. “If you do, you'll seriously eat it.”

“Cool,” Gon beams, and Killua resists the urge to preen.

“Here,” Killua sets the board down for her, motions for her to give it a try.

“Got it!” Gon assures, stepping on and placing her feet just like Killua had showed her earlier.

On the other side of the room, the rest of their team is talking about their time constraints and the probability of descending Trick Tower once their fifty hour penalty is expired. Tonpa – the fat one who thinks he's so darn clever – is getting a good start on riling Leorio up. Killua really wishes he wouldn't – or even better, that Leorio would just stop rising to the bait. Spending two days stuck in a room with the one teammate steaming and the other egging him on does not sound fun at all.

Not for the first time, Killua finds herself really glad that Gon is there. Gon has been the only thing so far that's made taking this “super hard” exam interesting. Gon is fun and unexpected and surprisingly bright when she wants to be. Maybe she'll even land this trick on her first try.

She doesn't.

She gets over-eager on the kick and sends the board flying while landing face-first on the floor. The board itself skims past Tonpa's head and bounces off the wall between Leorio and Kurapika.

“Oy, oy!” Leorio calls from the other side of the room, grumbling and irritated.

Killua, however, is too busy laughing to pay him any mind. She leans over to pull Gon off the floor. “Nice one,” she teases.

“Owww.” Gon rubs her sore nose with her free hand while she lets Killua pull her up by the arm. “I guess I, ah... ate it pretty bad.”

Something about the way she says it makes Killua think she's never used the phrase in her life. But it also makes Killua... weirdly happy that she's trying to pick up on it now.

“Yeah, you did. But don't worry – you'll probably get it next time, dude.”

She doesn't know how or why, but the mood of their conversation then takes such a sudden and drastic turn that Killua feels like she might have whiplash.

“Wh-” Gon looks at her with wide eyes, any trace of her smile gone, then yanks her arm out of Killua's grasp. Suddenly, she's steaming. “Don't say that!”

Killua is only able to blink her reply. The change is too quick, too unexpected, for her to follow. What had just happened? “What?”

“That thing you just said!” Gon's hands are curled into fists at her side. “Don't!” Killua can feel the anger – as genuine as it had been abrupt – rolling off the other girl in waves.

This _really_ doesn't make any sense. Killua has said – and done – quite a few things by now that _should_ have gotten under Gon's skin – and none of it had! She hadn't so much as flinched when Killua told her that she came from a family of assassins, or that she'd stabbed her mother and her brother, or that she'd killed – or even when she did kill, right there in front of Gon, not so much as an hour before! None of that had ruffled the girl's feathers in the slightest, so why now-?

Killua feels her own temper flair. “What kind of idiot are you?! I'm just _trying_ to be helpful!”

“Calling me that isn't helpful at all!” Gon stamps her foot in a stubborn and, Killua thinks, childish show.

“What, an idiot? Well you are! An idiot and a brat!” Killua's voice raises.

“That's mean! And that's not what I meant, either!” Gon's rises to match.

Killua's thoughts are only becoming more jumbled. Why is Gon acting this way? She's acting like it's _obvious_ that Killua's said something wrong, but she can't for the life of her think of what's gotten the other girl so pissed all of the sudden. “Well, then what did you mean?!”

Gon lets out something like a growl, but it sounds as if she's trying to suppress it. Killua thinks that _she_ shouldn't be the one getting so frustrated. Gon is the one who won't just come out and say was she means! But then Gon gives her the answer she's looking for, yelling entirely to loud for this small room -

“Don't call me a boy!”

Every thought in Killua's brain grinds to a halt. If their argument hadn't already made them the center of attention, they certainly were now. The feeling of eyes all over her back makes Killua feel twitchy. And to top it off, she's only _more_ confused. She tries to hold onto her anger, instead. Anger, she can do something with. Something _other_ than standing there, mouth agape and blinking, like some sort of idiot.

“What are you even talking about, Gon?” she tries, and it comes out more exasperated and annoyed than truly pissed. “I never-”

“Yes, you did!” Gon insists, and the set of her mouth wavers in a way that makes Killua feel really, _really_ bad for some reason. It's even worse when Gon's brows crumple together, knitting in a way not meant to convey anger. “And I'm not! I'm a _girl_ , so--” She presses her mouth into a firm line, apparently unable to continue.

There is something so familiar about this. Killua can almost...

“Gon.” It is Kurapika who breaks the silence, because no one else knows what to say. “I don't think Killua meant what she said how you think.”

Killua swings her head in his direction. “What did I say?!” she moans, wondering if she is ever going to catch up with where this conversation is headed. How is it that Kurapika has tuned in to what had ticked Gon off so easily?

Gon doesn't seem satisfied with Kurapika's input, either. “But- but, you heard her! She called me a-- _dude._ ” She bites the word out like she doesn't like the feel of it in her mouth. “That means boy, right? And I'm n-”

“We _know_ you're not, Gon,” Kurapika acquiesces.

Leorio, who seems to have forgotten his sour mood from earlier, immediately follows up in a soft tone, “No one's trying to say otherwise, Gon.”

Killua is looking between the three of them, eyebrows drawn tight and feeling like she's _just_ missing something. “...It's just a word, Gon,” she tries, but apparently it's not the right thing to say. Whatever headway Kurapika had made into calming her down is undone, and Gon is swinging her attention back to Killua, shoulders square, mouth open to retort, ready for a confrontation.

“Wait!” Kurapika comes forward then, arms outstretched but touching neither of them, merely preparing to break up a fight should it come to that. “What Killua _means_ is,” he begins, and gives Killua a look that says _don't help_ , before turning his attention back to Gon, “that, although perhaps the _denotation_ of the word 'dude' implies someone of male gender, it can be, and often is, _colloquially_ used to refer to persons of either male or female genders.”

Gon looks at Kurapika intently, her brows draw together. It's like she's trying to piece together what he's just said, but needs some other sort of reassurance. Her eyes swing first to Killua, but she's already decided to keep her mouth shut until she can better grasp the situation at hand. Next, they glide over Tonpa, who has taken to silent observation. Finally, they land on Leorio. He, at least, seems to know what she needs.

“It's just slang, Gon,” he offers. “It can go either way – nothing to get upset over.”

“...Oh.” Gon drops her gaze to the floor and, all at once, the fight goes out of her. She slumps to the carpet, legs splayed out in front of her and shoulders hunched defensively. She seems embarrassed.

Killua backs up against a near wall. There's still something she's missing. Gon had misunderstood what she said – she got that now. But that didn't explain her complete meltdown over it. What’s she _missing_? It’s as though it’s on the tip of her tongue, but she just can't get to it. Does everyone else see what she can't? Looking around, she quickly dismisses Tonpa as only mildly interested in the scene unfolding in front of him. Kurapika and Leorio, on the other hand, are exchanging silent looks. So do _they_ know something? She remembers now that, by the time she had met Gon in the tunnel, the other girl had already seemed well acquainted with the loud-mouth and the blonde. Heavens only know _why_ , but Gon seems to like the both of them well enough. So maybe she'd told them something that she hadn't yet told Killua?

“Gon, may I ask you something?” Kurapika's voice is soft as he kneels next to Gon – near enough to reach out and touch, if he wanted to, but also not crowding her, giving her space. When Gon gives a small, affirmative noise, he goes on, “Do people often misgender you?”

Gon looks up then, at last, and blinks at Kurapika. She glances around the room once again, quicker than before, as if not wanting to linger on anyone's expression. “Um... You mean do people... often call me a boy?”

Kurapika gives a soft smile, and nods. “Yes. Like... on the ship?”

Gon observes Kurapika silently for a moment. Then she rolls her gaze upward, looking at the ceiling, and rubs the back of her head as if in thought. “Mmm... Well, not so much anymore. Everyone back home knows, now.”

Kurapika waits, then when Gon doesn't seem to have anything else to say, he prompts, “Knows what now?”

“Well, that I'm a girl.”

For a moment, Killua is hit hard with a memory.

Blue eyes looking up at her, wide but trusting.

_“Sister, I'm a girl too, you know?”_

_Oh_. She thinks. _Like..._

The thought doesn't fully form. It's slippery. It's like shadow, or like mist, and it slides through her fingers when she tries to close her hand around it.

When she tries harder to focus on the memory of – of _her sister_ (why is that so hard to think?) a voice whispers insistently in her ear: _Safe. Safe, safe, safe. No need to worry. She is taken care of. Kept safe. Safe._

She frowns, then shakes it from her mind. She'll deal with that later. Thinking about it too hard now just contributes to the headache that had already begun to bloom around her temples and somewhere between and above her eyes. She should concentrate on what's in front of her for now.

\- - - - - - - - -

“Ah, I see.” Kurapika keeps his voice measured, patient, waits for Gon to give him more information to work with.

Gon looks around a third time, and Kurapika is beginning to think that this is not the most appropriate place to have this sort of conversation. She must be uncomfortable – having such a light cast on her in front of people she hardly knows. He is thinking of putting the conversation on hold, of telling Gon that she doesn't have to talk about this now – or ever – with any of them, if she doesn't want to. He doesn't know what she sees in the faces of those behind him, although he certainly feels all their gazes on the two of them – but whatever it is she sees, it must help her decide that she's up to explaining, after all.

She folds her legs in front of her, and her hands start to fidget with the hem of her jacket. “Yeah. I guess... Well... The way Granma put it was that, because of the way I was born, people didn't know better, at first. Everyone used to think I was a boy. But I'm not a boy, and I know that, so when I told Aunt Mito and Granma, they helped make sure everyone else knew. So – so no one called me a boy anymore, or told anyone _else_ I was a boy, and it wasn't a problem anymore. Even when the tourists came, they usually knew I was a girl without me having to say so.” She watches her hands, the floor, the wall to her left – anything but the four other people in the room, as she speaks.

Nervous ticks aside, Gon comes out about as open and easily as she does most things. It is something that he can tell she has grown comfortable with in and of herself. If he had to guess, he might think that the people who lived on her small island must have been pretty accepting. It doesn't seem as if Gon has been actively shamed for her identity. It is in being made to bring this to the attention of a new host of people that Gon finds discomfort. Still, she has surprised him. Not everyone would share something so personal so easily with a room full of strangers and recently made acquaintances. Although he makes a conscious effort not to seem surprised by her confession, he feels himself at a loss for what to say. More than that, he begins to worry what the _others_ might say. He doesn't know any of them well enough to know how they might feel about the possibility that one (or more) of their rivals-temporarily-turned-teammates might be transgender.

He glances at Killua, who is looking at Gon like she might be the last puzzle piece needed to complete something greater. She is cautiously interested. She also doesn't seem too eager to peel herself off the wall she's plastered herself against just yet. Still, Kurapika can detect no immediate or obvious disgust in the other girl. If anything, she seems skittish - like she's worried about the possibility of saying anything more to upset her new found friend. Kurapika finds comfort in this for Gon's sake.

Tonpa – Tonpa he can't quite read. He seems almost indifferent, or maybe just reserved. It stands to reason that he'd be the least interested in something so personal to Gon. Leorio and Kurapika can claim the longer acquaintance, and perhaps even something of a trial-forged bond, while Killua and Gon clearly have a fast-budding friendship based on their similar ages. Tonpa may be genuinely uninterested, or he may be feigning it. Leorio had called him on being a saboteur earlier, and since he's done nothing but try to rile Leorio up. Would he stoop so low as to use Gon's identity as a means to make her uncomfortable, if he thought it would throw her off her game? It _could_ be a problem.

Finally, he glances at Leorio. Leorio- ...He's not certain what Leorio is thinking. He can be so brash and hot-headed, but Kurapika has seen something else under that shallow front he puts up. Kurapika feels, instinctively, that Leorio actually has a good heart. Somewhere under all the bravado, laced up tight and half-hidden, there is something of compassion, of tenderness. Leorio, he thinks, has a great capacity for caring when he lets himself. He puts up a lot of bluster and fuss, to be sure, but Kurapika recognizes the self-defense a worn heart can put up when it's been bruised. Surely he wouldn't – he _hopes_ he wouldn't – suddenly think differently of Gon for revealing what she has?

A few moments into his silent contemplation, Kurapika finds Leorio meeting his gaze. The other man must think he's looking for backup of some sort, because he only gives a little shrug of the shoulders and gives him a motion as if to say 'Go on – you're doing fine with the kid so far.'

“Guess that's... pretty weird, huh?”

Kurapika snaps his attention back to Gon. While he had been preoccupied with his own thoughts, she has gathered the courage to lift her gaze. Her face is drawn tight, and he can see that she is pulling back into herself, fearing she's shared too much and disheartened by their silence.

Kurapika, thinking to give her comfort before anyone else could say anything to affirm her fear, is quick to respond. “No,” he tells her. “Not at all, actually...”

“...Really?” There is a hesitant sort of – not hope, not quite, but – an anticipation in her eyes. The reassurance Kurapika is trying to give her is clearly something wants to reach out and hold on to, but it's like she can't trust it. Again, she casts her gaze around for back up from a second party, and Kurapika feels an odd sinking sensation somewhere in his gut. He follows Gon's gaze to find that she is looking to Leorio first this time.

Leorio bristles a little, seems uncomfortable being looked to for this – like part of him would rather leave this to Kurapika. Nevertheless, he stands up to the task. “Well... It's not – It's not weird, no. That is- it's not _uncommon_. I mean – I guess... It's not really my place to say, but... You're probably trans, right?” Here, he glances briefly to Kurapika.

The blonde feels some of the tension go out of his shoulders. He had been worried, but... Leorio had done well, even if he'd stumbled a bit. As thanks, Kurapika offers him a smile.

Leorio returns it, then looks back at Gon. “Nothin' weird about that.”

Gon's brow furrows in thought, but she seems to decide to give Leorio a break. Turning to Kurapika again, she asks, “...Trans?”

Kurapika smiles softly. “A transgender person is a person whose gender identity does not match the one they were assigned at birth. At least, that's one definition.”

Gon lets that tick in her head for a minute. “So... like how people said I was a boy, but now I say I'm a girl?”

“Exactly.”

“So I'm a ...transgender person?” Gon repeats each syllable carefully, like she's getting used to the way they fit in her mouth.

“Well, you might be. It's really up to you to decide what labels you use. Sometimes it's not as simple as what I told you, and some people have different words that they prefer.”

Gon mulls that over silently for a moment, before Tonpa finally decides to lend his voice to the conversation. Kurapika almost wishes he hadn't.

“Did no one ever explain this to you before, kid? I thought you said everyone back where you're from knew about it.”

It isn't the worst he could have said, granted. Still, Kurapika has no desire to let Gon feel ashamed for her lack of knowledge.

“I... Well, everyone knew... I told them...” Gon huffs, frustrated at her own verbal stumbling. “I never knew there was a _word_... I don't think anyone else on Whale Island did, either. ...It was small, and no one was _like me_ , so I wasn't sure that there were ... Granma said once she met someone, but it wasn't exactly the same, so I... I thought there weren't... That I was just... I've never met anyone like me, so I thought I was the only one, I guess.”

As a pensive silence falls over the room, Kurapika feels something in the heart of him tighten, and he is left to wonder when he had allowed himself to feel such an affection for this girl. Perhaps it is that they are something of kindred spirits, and perhaps something like friends already, that allows him to share what he had no intention to before. It is no one's business but his own. But he has thus far bared part of his soul twice on this journey without having meant to previously, and he cannot deny the girl in front of him the comfort – however small it may be – that he can offer.

“Well, now you have.”

Gon looks up, blinks slowly at him, her lips parted softly. “...I... have?”

Kurapika nods, firm in contrast to his smile – as gentle and genuine as he can muster. He gestures towards himself. “I'm a trans man. ...I suppose one might say I'm like you, only the other way around from what you described.”

The girl's eyes go wide. “Really?”

Another nod. “Really.”

It is slow, at first – the bloom of realization, followed shortly by an enthusiastic admiration, but soon Gon's entire face is glowing with it. “ _Cool_ ,” she whispers, as if Kurapika has just told her something impressive.

The blonde actually feels his face warm. He had expected the knowledge that she was not alone to be a comfort and reassurance. He is not prepared for the adoration he can see building behind her eyes. She is looking at him like he's opened a new world of possibility to her. She looks at him like a piece of a map she's needed, but hadn't known existed. He shakes his head, hoping also to shake his embarrassment away. “In any case, you're obviously not alone. There are many people who do not adhere to a gender binary like what you may have been exposed to. There are many ways people identify. I would encourage you to research into when you have the means and the time – perhaps after the exam.”

It is clear to see that she has more questions – that she is hungry for more knowledge of people like her and different from her and anything she'd ever known previously. Something, however – the presence of the others, or the eagerness not to have herself the center of attention in this matter, or simply the wish not to bother her new found source of knowledge and kinship – makes her hold back. She just nods, a new determination lighting her eyes. “Mmm. I will. Thank you, Kurapika.”

“You're welcome, Gon.”

“...I'm sorry, Gon.”

Both of them look up to the corner of the room that has, up until this point, been the most quiet. Killua stands a little closer now, her hands shoved deep in her pockets. It takes her a moment to work up the nerve to meet Gon's gaze. “Didn't mean to call you something you aren't. I won't do it again, alright?”

Kurapika feels a quiet rush of relief. He turns to find Gon beaming again, although she seems at least a little embarrassed, too.

“Oh, it's okay! I know you didn't mean to, Killua. You must have thought I was pretty weird for getting all mad over nothing, huh?” She laughs sheepishly.

“Tch!” Killua slants her gaze away. “It's no big. Even I've heard of – of stuff like that.” For some reason, she doesn't sound very sure of herself. Kurapika wonders if she's just saying that to make Gon feel better. “I get it – why you were mad. It's cool.”

For a second time Killua reaches down to give Gon a hand up. Gon grins, clasps the girl's forearm, and is soon on her feet.

“You wanna try that trick again?” Killua offers with a grin.

“Oy, oy!” Leorio picks up his temper from earlier like it never left, swinging an accusing finger at the two youths. “You almost hit us with that thing! Don't skateboard in such a small room!”

Both girls pull sour faces, and Gon lets out a disappointed moan. Kurapika smiles to himself as he stands, glad that things are back to normal.

Eventually, things settle down and they each find something to entertain themselves. Kurapika contents himself to sit alone and read the time away quietly. He is surprised, however, when he finds himself with company.

Leorio comes to him, hands shoved in his pockets as he looms awkwardly over his teammate. “Hey,” he greets when Kurapika lifts his gaze. It is clear he has something he wants to say, so Kurapika dog-ears the page he was on and sets his book aside, offering the other his full attention.

Less-than-gracefully, Leorio folds his tall form to sit near Kurapika on the floor, legs crossed. “I ah.... I just wanted to say – that was good, what you did.” He keeps his voice low, private. “With Gon, I mean.”

Kurapika blinks. “Well... I am... glad you think so,” he begins, uncertain of where, if anywhere, Leorio intends to take that conversation. “You did well yourself, “ he offers after a pause. “Comforting her.”

Leorio's eyes are cast off to the side now, and he's rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck. “Yeah, but... I wasn't the one who outed myself. I mean- you didn't have to do that.”

Kurapika is quiet for a moment. “You're right. I didn't.” He wonders if the knowledge makes Leorio uncomfortable.

Leorio looks back up, as if reading his thoughts. “Which isn't – It's not _bad_ that -” He makes a frustrated sound, gathers his words. “What I mean to say is it's admirable – putting yourself out there to make her feel better. She, ah... It seemed to do the trick, you know?” He nods over towards where Killua and Gon have their heads bent over the same book. “It was good of you. You're a ...good guy.”

Kurapika feels himself flush for the second time that day. He has to drop his gaze momentarily. “Oh.” He feels badly for having doubted Leorio's open-mindedness, even momentarily. “I... I only did it in service of a friend. I am glad to have done what I could for her. Besides, ...I have already revealed more personal things since meeting her.” When he looks up again, he finds Leorio staring at him, only to blink and rapidly shift his gaze away. “It is not so huge a thing.”

“Tch,” Leorio waves a dismissive hand. “Don't be so self-deprecating. Take the compliment.”

Kurapika smiles. “Of course. Thank you, Leorio. For what it's worth, the comfort you offered her – … I think you are a good man, too.”

It is hard to miss the dusting of pink that colors Leorio's cheeks. Still, for all his talk of self-deprecation, he merely shrugs. “I'll... let you get back to your reading,” he says before standing again, and moving off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get up! The end of the semester hit me hard and for the first couple of weeks of break I felt Dead To The World. I am still actively working on this series, I promise!
> 
> I debated for a long time how to handle Killua's memory regarding Alluka. It kind of bothers me that, as much as the audience sees Killua's perspective, we don't get a lot of hints about her, and nothing really from Killua's perspective. I don't think Killua could have forgotten her completely, but I do think that Illumi's needle probably made it difficult to concentrate/think critically on the situation Alluka's been left in back home.


End file.
